Snagging Snags
Saturday, January 01, 2000
My heart goes out to the young women who are trying to snag SNAGs (“sensitive new age guys”, Herald-Sun, 21/11). My worry is how many willing chaps there are out there for them. Today’s menacing marital gauntlet of hair-trigger separation, divorce court, remote maintenance, and miserable access are an increasing deterrent to young men.
As a middle-aged married man with four single adult sons I believe I can offer some useful advice to young women. First, decide when you’ve had enough “fun” and are ready to settle down with one person, without grieving over the renunciation of others you will still find attractive.
Second, when you’re ready, offer a lifelong commitment for better or for worse that requires dedication from both. It is okay to use all your charms to “hook” him in the first place. But there must come an explicit, up-front, eyes-open, sober, no-sales-tactics moment where he says, “I commit myself to us.” It is not clever to skip this.
Thirdly, judge your mate realistically, allowing him as many imperfections as you have yourself. And finally, the magic ingredient: show respect. There is right now a social climate which ridicules men: don’t import this into your relationship.
Work out for yourself that God/nature designed life so that the male supports one end of the rainbow. If you show that you hold his place in your life in the same esteem as you hold yours as wife and mother, you will probably end up with one of the happier marriages.
Philip O'Carroll